Islamabad — Pakistani nation came together and united in a spectacular event, which only occurs once in 30 years or after 4 full Solar eclipses whichever comes first, when an armed person killed a reasonable person in cold blood. The armed person was arrested immediately. The alleged killer announced that he had to kill the unarmed person because, “…he was being reasonable and was talking all these things about logic and peace… it just boiled my blood.”
The majority of Pakistanis came together for the support of this murder. According to our correspondent, this might have been the first time in Pakistan’s history when the entire religious clergy belonging to all sects of Islam unanimously declared that the murder was just. Interestingly enough, some of these sects have also declared the murder of opposing sects just as well. According to the eye witnesses, the armed person emptied two full rounds of an automatic weapon before yelling, “Eat that you reasonable bastard!” The murderer then threw his weapon on the ground and surrendered to the special police force that was already present there. In an immediately announced press release, the murdered said that he had been watching the reasonable person “…being all reasonable like he knows what’s right and what’s wrong…” and said that Pakistani people don’t allow this and in fact, take this matter seriously. The nation was seen jubilant and the people were spreading sweets amongst their neighbors and congratulating each other. Speaking to Roznama Jawani, Masood Hashmani Karia who belongs to a hard-line Muslim sect said, “You know even though the murderer is not from my sect, I couldn’t be more proud of him today.
After all he did what we’ve all wanted to do. He got rid of another reasonable person in Pakistan. Soon, there will be even few of them.” Where being a reasonable person in Pakistan is not officially a crime, it can invite wrath of masses as majority of Pakistanis think it is a sin to be reasonable. Some hard-line sects suggest that reason gives birth to sin, and reason only comes from a reasonable person, so it’s better to kill a reasonable person to save the nation from plunging in to eternal light. Pakistan’s religious clergy held rallies in support of the murder and condemned the dead. The people were seen chanting “Death to Reason” and “Down with America”.
The smaller rallies from all over the country came together to form a huge rally at Nashtar Park where the speaker told that attendees that, “We will stop everyone from being reasonable. I am not saying that we will lay down our life for it. I am saying we will take lives.” The attendees of the rally seemed to be in total charm of the speaker. The speaker added, “Why be reasonable? Don’t you know that Pakistanis hate a valid reason? Haven’t you learnt a lesson already?”. He further said that he knows half of the people present at the rally are open targets for each other but their unanimous support against reason is enough to grant them entry in to heaven. He also said “We should be all proud of ourselves today and tomorrow.
Now lets all go and make cold fusion possible”, at which the attendees got confused and the speaker yelled, “PSYCH!” The murderer was later presented in the court for a hearing where he was given a tremendous welcome by the lawyers who threw rose petals at him. Some even tried to carry him on their shoulders. But because they all wanted to carry him inside the court and couldn’t decide till the end of the court timings, the session ended without any progress and he had to be returned back to jail.
Courtesy Roznama Jawani